I know you haven’t heard from me in a while and it’s totally my fault so sorry. A lot of things have happened in the meantime though with some being good, really good, and some being bad, really bad.
First, I’ll start with the good. The reason I haven’t been writing on this blog is because I actually have been writing for another blog. It’s called Hip Hop Basement, and you can visit it at Hip-Hopbasement.com. The blog is dedicated to hip-hop culture which includes the music, clothing, and people associated with that genre. It’s currently a great experience.
I try to write a post on the site every day. Unfortunately sometimes life gets hectic and I can’t, so I’ll just write multiple posts a day. I also periodically update the social media site, the Instagram, which has over 17 thousand followers. Must be nice, right?
It really reinvigorated my interest in writing. It will always have a space in my heart, but sometimes I am just drained and do not feel like doing anything at all on my laptop. Hearing my cheeto fingers bang against the keys on my laptop literally haunts my dreams. I know that this is what I want to do as a career, and I can only imagine in the future where I will be and what I will be doing.
I also, recently, had an interview with Radio One back home in Richmond. Radio One basically owns all of the black radio stations, so they’re pretty well known. I might have an internship with them over the summer. I’m pretty sure that I already have it since I slayed the interview. But I will know about the around the beginning of April. So keep your fingers crossed for me okay?
Now on to the bad. Well, here is the thing, I don’t really consider it a bad thing, just a negative thing. From one of my more recent posts, I said that I was in a relationship. I was. Key word. That ship has sailed . . . right off a cliff. Happy face.
I thought long and hard (hehe) about what I was going to do about the situation. Either way, I wasn’t going to be comfortable with it. So I took some time to myself and went to Chipotle. Because Chipotle is life.
On the way there, I played my usual playlist that has soft R&B songs on it. One song I just added was called “The Other” by Lauv. In the chorus, there is a line that says “When there’s nothing quite wrong but it don’t feel right.” That is exactly how I felt about my relationship, our relationship. There wasn’t anything that I could pinpoint and say that it was wrong, but regardless, something about it didn’t feel right.
In the relationship, I felt very neutral. Imagine me like a car, in neutral. I am moving, but I am going so slow that at some point I realize that I want to move faster. I am enjoying my time, but there is still something more I crave. So I ate my food, took a deep breath, and called my soon to be ex.
I am single now and not really ready to mingle. Not because I am hurting, but because I am still evaluating myself as a young adult. If you have paid attention, then you know I also wrote a post about how I am not relationship material. That is now a lie, disregard it. I just am very specific and if I do not have what I want, I will be uncomfortable. I will be in neutral.
Ever since that point, I am more in tune with myself. I did something that I never thought I would do. Did it have the outcome I wanted? No. Did I learn from it so I can improve on the next person that comes along and wants to touch my beard? Yes. It’s a metaphor for life. Always improve, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Every experience is a way to learn and grow.
So where do I go from here? Well, I’m still a college student so screw me. I will continue doing my work and trying to graduate as fast as I can so I can start my career.
Physically, I have been going to the gym more. It’s true when the experts say that you feel better after going, so it is now a part of my routine. No more love handles, kids. I have also lessened my alcohol intake, unfortunately. When I drink, I try not to over do it, and when I do, I always drink water and go to the gym the next day. Progress.
Mentally, I am very clear. I no longer crave a person’s attention so desperately that I will get depressed when I cannot touch someone. I appreciate the times I am alone. Every day, life puts new experiences in my invisible backpack and, at the end of the day, I erase the ones that don’t matter and store the ones that do. I have new priorities.
Emotionally, I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship. But I cannot say that 100%, it depends on the person. I know that things that are meant to happen, will. And those things that are meant to be lessons, will. We have to stop trying to control everything in our lives. Sometimes, things just happen. We either sulk forever about something we cannot control, or we accept it and move on. Life is too short. I am 20 years old. Double it, and I will be 40. Double, and I will be 60. Double, and I will be 80, hopefully. That is not long. I do not have time to stress over things that I cannot control.
I will try to post more on this blog, when I have the time. Until then, stay up to date with me.